WAW - is it too late?

[RVM]

RVM, sorry you're going through this. I chuckled when I read your list because it's almost identical to the changes my XW made just before BD (sad at the time but I can laugh about it now). She had always worn frumpy "old lady" underwear, I had politely suggested more than once that it would be nice to see her in something a little more sexy so imagine my delight when she suddenly threw out all her underwear and bought some sexy bras and panties. Little did I know they weren't for me!

Keep DR near at hand, refer to it often. Read Sandi's rules every day, they are a great template on how to behave around your W. Remove all pressure! No R talks.

Another thing I should mention - other than family activities/meals we had become quite distant from each other for the past few years.

I'm wondering how detachment would be effective in this sitch?

We get that question a lot. "She says I was cold and distant, so won't detachment look like more of the same?" Detachment isn't being cold and distant though. It's giving her time and space, but not pushing her away. As Job said the stickies will help you understand. And again, Sandi's rules. They are all about LOVING detachment.

Also please note that your W doesn't want you to fix things. If she brings up complaints they aren't to give you an opportunity to fix them, they are to explain why she is done. Any changes you make she will consider "too little too late". So do it for you. In the long run it will have an impact on her, but in the short term it won't really change anything. This truly is a marathon!

Thanks for the clarification. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, whenever I made the mistake of trying to discuss our R, she kept saying that she's built up a wall against me for my past aloofness, that she's not sure if she'll ever let it down again.

Uh, the bras and panties/fitness/wardrobe/hotness upgrades are soul crushing.