I remember us speaking about a one-off incident on your part a long time ago. I do remember our conversation about that. I really think if that's all there is to it (and I don't at all mean to imply I think you are being dishonest) then your wife is being irrational. She seems to be controlling the narrative with the others involved in this situation here. Whatever her story or opinion of you is - it doesn't matter.
Maybe you're not ever going to be able to convince her by your words, behaviour or actions that you aren't who she believes you to be. That's going to be incredibly hard to accept, I know. And it might be years before you fully fully accept that her opinions and beliefs about your character and motivations aren't the facts of who you are. And that would also be true if she thought the sunshine shone out of your belt buckle.
More pressing than acceptance is that you are able to present clear evidence of a continued pattern of caring for and meeting the physical and emotional, educational and medical needs of your kids. She might have an opinion about your emotions. She might have professional experience. But she isn't your doctor or caregiver and there's a reason why, even if she is qualified to diagnose, she wouldn't be permitted to diagnose a close family member: she's not objective and by the standards of her own profession her opinion on you is junk.
You can give evidence of a pattern of behaviour. I know the letters worry you, but you have done what you can on that for the time being. I think this situation has gone well, well beyond you earning her trust - given that if what you say is right (and I have no reason to think it isn't) she's being irrational and her trust in you would mean nothing anyway.
Take it this way - from a mother who had absorbed more verbal abuse and toxic, emotionally dysregulated behaviour from a man than was sane or reasonable on my part (and that's on me) if this woman - a mother - truly and honestly believed you were a physical risk to your children you wouldn't be having them at all. No sense of wanting to be kind would let any sane mother put her children in danger.
