Steve and AS are very wise and give sound advise. If I was in your shoes, I would follow their advise.
Sorry to read your soo familiar story. You found a great place for support. I do not want to give you false hope, and I do not want to give you false despair. We only have have control over ourselves. How we behave and how we interact with others. Those that have the most success around here are the ones that take the focus off of their spouse and put it right on themselves. They make a decision to create their own happiness regardless of what their spouse is doing.
Think about this, how hard is it to change your bad habits? Pretty hard, but set your mind to it and you can. Now, how hard do you think it is to change someone else's? Impossible right?
Things that work are counter-intuitive. For example, you work on the relationship by not working on the relationship. You have to fight every urge you have and not talk about it. Fight every urge to go to him. When he comes to you, you have to be the one to end the interaction first.
My favorite words:
"I am sorry you feel that way" "Perfect" "I have decided" "I need time to think about that"
