what DB approaches are right for me?

[oceangrl]

Steve85....

Thank you for your kind butt-kicking....I needed it!!!

The very sad thing is, I used to be so pathetically co-dependent and needy that I am far and away better than I was.
At some point in being a wife and mother I lost who I was. I lost connection with myself. I used to be a really interesting person. And you really hit it on the head....I need to GAL.

My goals are to travel to Europe, to continue to exercise and work on getting my body in great shape (I am thin but weak), continue to learn French. I also want to join some groups here in LA. We are not from here and recently moved here because my 11 year old is an actor. So I have time to sit on set and learn and study. And I need to make friends. It is lonely being in a new place.

One of my top priorities is figuring out a way to make money. Like I mentioned before, I sit on a set for about 9 hours a day. So I have to find a job I can do remotely and on my computer. I have been taking bookkeeping classes. I also write. I have got to become financially independent of him somehow. But it is scary for me, I am a former teacher but I've been a stay at home mom supporting his entrepreneurial dreams for years. Right now his business is struggling and we are financially struggling. You would think he would recognize that I support him through the ups and downs, but nope.

Detaching is my number one biggest challenge. I think I am on a roll with it, and then something like the other day happens, where he holds my kids hands with each of his hands on the sidewalk so I end up walking behind them. I think that's so rude, and I get so hurt and angry....and that makes it so much harder. Those feelings of constant rejection. I believe he gets his "love" from his kids. I love my kids, but I've been replaced by them in getting his emotional needs met.

And I see your point on words being words. I think he wants things easy and convenient....push me into filing, or force it to be a mutual thing so that he doesn't have to be the bad guy. He wants what he calls an "amicable divorce," IE me making it as easy and happy as possible, and as cheap as possible. He gets very upset at the idea that I would use a lawyer. He would like us to sit in front of the kids and tell them that it is both of our idea. That will not be happening. So he talks about it, but as far as I know has acted on nothing.

I will be studying the detachment and validation threads. Detachment is so intimidating to me, but I know logically it needs to be done. I have put way too much focus on him. I am trying to focus on one day at a time because the future can be so scary.

Thanks again for your advice. It's what I needed to hear.