Have you checked out the links on the Welcome Thread? There is one link specifically about Detachment. I think you will find that many of the examples, etc. are really "tools" for us and help us navigate life. Detachment helps us learn how not to react to what people say or do, especially where our spouses are concerned.
Your wife sounds like she's rewriting history if she says she's been unhappy for years. If she's been that unhappy, she should have talked to you about it and not stuffed those feelings down in her soul for many years. She is attempting to find a justification for the way she feels. Listen and validate her thoughts and feelings. However, I think you would have noticed changes in her before now if she was that unhappy.
Many of use came here after the bomb drop and we all have made mistakes. It is what we learn from the mistakes that matters.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
