WAW - is it too late?

[RVM]

Guess I should jump into the water here. Been lurking for a few weeks. This place is amazing, wish I knew about it many months ago. Possibly would have put me in a better situation than I'm in now.

Easily the worst year of my life. The flags were subtly raised over time and I was still ignoring most of it. She was always a very conservative, prudish, and generally sweet person. Like most here - the last person I'd ever expect to cheat. I don't have concrete proof yet, but there's been more than enough deceit, manipulation, and gaslighting that it is undeniably happening.

My anxiety level started going through the roof when I got keen on how nasty she was all of a sudden towards me. Coupled with the wardrobe upgrade and excessive primping for work, I was slowly getting unraveled. Who is this person? What alien has possessed her? Is this just some bizarre temporary phase?

After observing her behavior for a few months, I finally had to confront her. (wish I knew about this place beforehand.) She convincingly denied everything, had me cowering with regret for even assuming it, and lovingly made a commitment to work on our relationship. I'm amazed at her poise. She was unflappable.

I'm almost certain she has been having an affair with a coworker. She has name dropped a few guys' names over the past year that she has become good work friends with. And, one in particular got brought up more than the others.

I did all the wrong things snooping for concrete evidence. I was just so unraveled. It was like a horrible out of body experience. I still can't believe I became so rattled. I lost about 20 lbs.

I did all the begging, pleading, etc to work on the relationship. She pushed further away, and really seemed ready to file for divorce. She finally said, "I really don't like you right now. I don't know what I want. I just want to focus on the children." She's never confessed to any EA/PA, but suddenly has stopped mentioning the guy's name.

Since October it has been really bad in our house. We've kept it (mostly) friendly in front of the kids and still carried on like we were a loving family. But, when the kids aren't around/asleep, we've had very limited one on one interaction other than for logistical discussions. We have gone out together a few times (she did some crumb tossing), but it really is exhausting. It is hard to have a conversation with someone you believe is actively cheating and lying to you. She is a master spinner.

I finally found this place. No more pursuing. Lots of great advice here. I've picked up some books and just started DR. I've done a few of the techniques - being very upbeat, not initiating conversations, GALing, that have seen some short term positive results (at least for my sanity) that got me back in control of myself.

I'm just really concerned that I'm now DBing too late in this process. I've done a lot of damage to whatever's left of our R since I confronted her. Based on our conversations, she's been really unhappy for a few years. This really seems like a textbook exit affair.

Besides reading DR and the threads on this site, anything in particular I should do ASAP?