I am sorry to read your recent posts ... first I would like to address Newbie and DV6 and I am sorry to hijack. I hope we can put it to rest. I agree that in most of these sitches there is an OP involved. If I recall in HopeCA sitch there was an A and it fizzled out at some point. Perhaps she or another A is still in the picture? We cannot know for sure. Either way, the general DB principles are the same. When I read Dv6s reply, I thought it was awesome. Did she project? Maybe, or maybe not. I actually think that we all slightly project and it is impossible to avoid! I am so guilty of this! We come here only having our own experiences to draw from. Newbie, perhaps something she posted triggered you and was off putting to you? Or perhaps you just have a different style of posting? I think either way, we all have to be mindful in the way we disagree with one another and it is only worth doing if someone says something harmful. I also saw you both sending the same message of love and concern for her. If we publicly disagree with one another, I fear it can take away from the posters original need for support. It can also prevent other readers from posting for fear of being called out.
Hope,
My heart ached for you when I read your last couple posts! I think you have maintained hope all along with him, as he has mostly been kind to you and recently enjoyed family time as well. I also have read that he is ambivalent and perhaps confused, but he is still pressing forward with the D. I am not sure what that means, but I think you might need to simply take it at face value. It is very, very hard to spend time with them and not have expectations. Those expectations are what makes acceptance and detachment so much more difficult. You speak about that family time reminding him of what he is missing and that is one way to look at it. The other way to look at it is that he sees more of your vulnerability and that you are plan B. I am not saying either perspective is better, but I think you know I lean towards the latter of the two.
So where do you go from here? .... Girl, I know you know what to do! (((Hope))) You are just scared to let go! I wholeheartedly believe in you! .... Have you ever had a broken heart before? Didn't it feel like it would never heal? But it did. And it will. .... In fact, I would venture to say that once you make this leap, and let go of him and all expectations, that you will find so much relief. You so, so deserve some relief. It's like your soul has been held captive and you can finally set it free. And it might happen quickly and faster than you even imagine. ... Perhaps you are the cause of your own pain? Have you ever thought about that? By holding on to hope so tight, perhaps you have created your own disappointments and that is actually what is holding you back?
The beautiful thing is that you, and only you, has the power to let go. I believe that once you do, you might be flooded with relief, and then your healing will begin. I have so much faith in you. All of the other day to day interactions, and paperwork, don't really make a difference once you set your heart free.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
