"Walking out of the Valley" 2.0

[phnix]

I will not allow her to talk about her day. etc............

ALLOW HER!!!! Listening to her talk about her day isn't a bad thing, it's a great moment to validate her feelings. But what you don't tolerate is her telling you about OM and their R. Her placing blame on you.

If you and her are in the kitchen together and she says, "Guess what happen today, I slipped and fell and hurt my butt" you can listen to that. You can validate that. "Oh, I sorry to hear you fell down, are you ok?". If she says, "Sandra said Mary was talking about Betsy, and she said Betsy eat paint". You can listen to that. But, if she says, " My day has been horrible, people are talking about me, and the OM". Cut bait and walk away. If she says, "I was having a hard day, the OM hasn't called me all day". Cut bait and walk away.

If she says, "I wish things were better in our M, if you would of did". In this scenario you can do one of two things IMO. You can validate, by saying, "I can see how you feel that way, but it takes two for the downfall of a M". If she gets defensive, you can say, "I respect the way you feel, and you need to respect the way I feel". If she continues with the blame. Cut bait and walk away. OR, you can just walk away when the blaming start.

I like the first option, because, It places a small nugget in her head, and shows her you are willing to stand up for yourself and not accept all the fault.

Joejoe

Going dark would mean no communication other than children. At this point I do not want to talk with her. She entered the room to talk about the investigation on her in her job. I told her initially that I didn't care to hear about it. Obviously the report she is talking about means she would be mentioning him. She continued to tell me. She was excited that there will be no repercussions on her. She then blamed my family for sending his wife a letter, (which she has no proof), and she went on to say no one at her job had any idea about what was going on and sort of rubbing it into my face that it was my fault and my families fault that the information got out. I simply said that I am glad your job will be fine but you are still guilty of committing adultery. She stormed out of the room using a few choice words after that.

So I really believe I do not need to talk to her. We need to be separated. She adamantly blames me for her affair being exposed and she holds a lot of resentment and anger toward me about it. This is all BS, maybe true about the way she feels about me, but I don't need to talk to her at all until she realizes she is to blame for her actions and what she has done to our family.