I hope you're well, Unchien. It's been a while since I checked in to your situation and I see things are still really difficult for you - the communication, the fear about the future, the lurking threats your wife has made, the difficulty in getting the schedule with your children sorted and agreed in a way that's acceptable to you.
I guess my one piece of advice for you would be to frame all your communications - via your L, email, text, in court, in mediation (if it comes to that) in terms of what is best for the children. Not what is fair for you. 50/50 may well be in the best interests of the children (I think a good dad is priceless, a child has a right to a strong and close relationship with her/his dad and his involvement in their day to day life, not just weekends and holidays) and if it is, then demonstrating what you have been offering and are still offering, rather than concentrating on what your rights are or what you want is likely to be a more positive approach.
It sounds like your wife is - deliberately or not - impossible to communicate with. I am not sure she really wants to communicate. If you were to proceed with the assumption that communications from her were more or less nothing but noise, what would you do? I think going through a mediator or lawyer and getting everything written down by someone who isn't either of you is necessary now.
I'd also suggest that what you do with the kids while they are with you is, within reason, your own business. If you need some childcare assistance, well, you're their father and you can either be trusted to get that responsibly and with their best interests in mind, or you aren't and if you aren't, she needs to demonstrate that and you shouldn't be seeing them that much at all.
If I had a joint custody arrangement with my H I'd expect him to handle and finance his own childcare arrangements on his own time. I have no fears - real or concocted - that he'd hire a serial killer to sit with them after school. If I did have those fears, I'd expect to be asked for solid evidence of why I thought his bad judgement was likely, or why the arrangements he'd made were unsuitable. I know I am in the UK and the system might be different, but I do think you could be more assertive here and get out of the mindset that you need your W's approval for decisions you make, as their father, for what happens with them on their time with you.
She's either trying to control you, there's something more to your past behaviour you have not disclosed (I don't think that's the case) or she's genuinely struggling with an anxiety problem and the difficulty of realising she isn't ever going to be in total control of ever aspect of her children's lives. Either way, the most loving thing you can do for your kids - and I believe for your wife - is not to enable that irrationality.
