Hey LL... I totally forgot about this thread! I see all your points, and likewise the ones of the other posters who are keeping with your thoughts here. I don't disagree with any of this. As you insightfully point out, the agenda of understanding the nature of a problem (which we agree is a good thing) absolutely requires at least a temporary shift in focus from judging and moralizing, and you're right, it can become a habit (through "understanding") to let go of the morality issue completely and become "accepting." After all, one BIG way that society keeps people "in line" is by judging and moralizing!
Theoretically, it is possible to learn about "deviant behavior" and understand the nature of a problem, while not "accepting" it. For example, there are experts in the field of child abuse who study the nature of it and give counseling about it, without "judging" the parents, but they certainly still uphold the idea that child abuse is is "wrong"/immoral. So if we know then, that understanding does not necessarily lead to societal acceptance, why does it seem to be doing so in the case of infidelity? And it DOES seem to be doing so, as you point out... otherwise, I would be having to wear a scarlet letter "A" around town, for one thing. My H just reminded me the other day that in Pakistan, I would be KILLED for my behavior. He sometimes probably wishes we lived in Pakistan, at least it would put a swift end to my ambivalence.
This is NOT going to be a popular comment in this crowd,I know... but I think the reason society is becoming more "understanding and accepting" of infidelity, is because the structure of traditional M, as we know it, is collapsing, or at least in for some major evolution. Many sociologists agree with this view.
What our society is doing now is "SERIAL monogamy" not true "Monogamy." True monogamy is not at all well suited to our biology as humans, and no is no longer even suited to the society we have created. Just look at our advertising and TV shows and the fast pace of our society... none of it supports caring for a LTR and remaining faithful to it during hard times.
Andy Rooney (60 Minutes) recently suggested that since the D rate has grown so ridiculously high, the concept of "Term Marriage" should be introduced... where you get M, and then every so often (say 3 years or 5) you decide whether or not you want to "re-up." I kinda like it!... "Honey, did you remember to make dinner reservations at our favorite restaurant for my birthday? If you want me to sign up with you for another 5 years, you better start paying attention to these little things."
