"Walking out of the Valley" 2.0

[hoosjim]

And, to be clear, you can couch the positions and actions i discuss above in terms of boundaries. Example: "I won't lie to my children and I won't pretend that everything is okay when it is not" Consequence: "If you persist in your affair I will not cover for you with the boys and if they ask i will tell them the truth, and if you persist in your affair and/or we divorce, I will not 'play family' with you or have joint family events or holidays-- we will have to work out a custody/visitation/holiday schedule."

Also: "I will not raise my boys to unknowingly have a relationship with a predator/adulterer who had an affair with their mother and broke up their family." Consequece: "If you continue having a relationship with OM, I will not hide the truth of the genesis of that relationship from my sons."

There are other possibilities, as well, but make it about YOU (and, as well, your boys) and your boundaries that you will protect.

Also, I agree with JoeJoe, above, that you don't need to get a D to command respect. Live your life independently of her, go dark... even sell the house... She will leave of her own volition, there is no reason to force the D or to do the heavy lifting for her. All filing for D will do is create work for you and give her an out to say "See, He's the one who divorced ME!!!" As long as you are good at detaching and setting boundaries, you will not need to force the divorce the issue. That's not to say you should dodge it if she initiates, and you should very certainly consult and regularly talk to your lawyer to know your rights, but you really don't need to force the issue and take the initiative on the divorce in order to be strong, and command respect. And you can make that clear to your boys if they ask.