Hi, I've been following this thread for a while. I'm not unbiased... my H had an A that has seriously damaged so much of what we had together--trust, a good M, a strong friendship, and more. I've had the opportunity to have an A and I chose differently.
Stats don't mean much to me since everyone seems to have their own set-- on this topic and many others.
But as someone who is pretty non-religious in any traditional sense, I do agree with the posters who are alarmed with the idea that infidelity is becoming acceptable in our culture. I think it speaks a lot to the overall lack of accountability and confusion over our personal values that seems to be increasingly defining us.
To me, it IS black and white. It really IS pretty simple. It comes down the golden rule: do unto others... Would you want to be on the receiving end of your behavior and your choices? If you even have to question your answer, then it's time to drop the excuses, the justifying, all of it and ask yourself why it's OK for you.
My H is the first person to say he'd never want to be treated the way he has treated his W (me), that he doesn't believe in infidelity, that he would never teach his child (if he had one) that this was OK to do. "None of it is OK" is what he says. And yet he keeps on keeping on. And I don't believe "love" of an OP leads us to betray our own values and create unnecessary pain for others... plenty of other stuff does that, but that's no kind of love I want to know.
I think sometimes we forget that we don't get our own private rulebooks with exceptions "just for us". But more and more of us seem to want to pretend that we do. Maybe it's easier. Inner work and being what you believe in can be hard sometimes.
Anyway, I will get off the soapbox now, wc. I just think it's time we all get back to basics and start questioning these things we tell ourselves. And maybe that is what you're doing on this forum?
