I'm not sure I get your point on exactly how this statistic could be misleading... I think I see your point... but regardless... any expert in the field of relationship research will tell you that cheating is an EPIDEMIC... it's widespread... the internet has increased it tremendously, also. My point is that it is SO common, that we need to be educated about it and understand it, not sit in judgement of it.
"Through my affair, I have learned important things about myself, life, love, and marriage... I have gained amazing insights that I could NEVER have gained without direct experience."-
"Gee, that's really something to be proud of, Annalise!"
I think it is! We learn about ourselves and life by the trials we choose, and by the trials that choose us. When I say "learn" I am not talking about learning some superficial moral "lesson" about not doing it again, I am talking about gaining insight into the nature of ourselves and life and relationship. If we don't do that, then its just a bunch of conflict and suffering for nothing and THAT's nothing to be proud of.
"Yes, they do (deserve respect), if they can see that they have made a mistake and are trying to save their marriage. Why should we support someone who is wanting to dump their W for a married OW? Why should we respect him? Respect has to be earned."
You and I disagree here. Trying to "save one's marriage" is not the ONLY legitimate response to a marital crisis. "Dumping his W" as you call it, is an awfuly judgemental way to put it. Perhaps his marriage is reaching a natural end. Not all R's are meant to last till the grave. Those are the vows we take, yes, and the hope that we have, but as we all know, the complex realities of love and life and relationship are not about to be "simplified" by that hope! Each marriage seems to have it's own unique spirit and lifespan, and it is the task of the two people involved to determine whether to stay or whether to move on. One choice is not any more "legit" than the other. Likewise, the married OW he is pursuing must make that choice. Probably, she has chosen the crisis situation as much as he has, no matter what she says. She's a grown adult... if she really doesn't want him around, she can file a restraining order.
My dad lured my mom from a fairly troubled marriage and married her. Was that a "mistake" as you call it... was it "morally wrong"... I think that's a very COMPLICATED question, folks... which is why I try not to pass judgement.
If he's looking for an easy out, he should probably take it! ... I think marriage requires committment and perseverance, but not all people who marry have those aptitudes. Those who don't should maybe move on... maybe "serial monogamy" is best for some...so that they do not have to deal with the tough problems that come up eventually, in a long M. I hate to say that, because we LEARN and grow so much from those tough problems!... but some folks just don't wanna stick it out. As long as divorce is legal, they have the right to choose that path for themselves.
However, I do think he SHOULD be (respectfully) informed that the purpose of this site is to save marriages, and that if he is not at least a little interested in that, it's probably not the right forum for him.
