I did not read this entire thread before making my last post. Now that I have, I think wc has been "beat up" too harshly here. For one thing, name calling is always inappropriate on any forum, and I believe someone called you a "cheating slug" and told you to go crawl into a hole. The fact that you are STILL HERE despite that rudeness shows some strength of character, in my opinion.
First, gang... let's remember INFIDELITY WILL EVENTUALLY TOUCH 80% OF ALL MARRIAGES IN THE U.S., AT SOME TIME DURING THIER DURATION. Think about that. That means that out of every TWENTY married people in the United States, EIGHT TO SIXTEEN OF THEM WILL EVENTUALLY CHEAT! That's an awful lot of "cheating slugs" who should crawl into a hole, don't ya think? You're gonna have a lot of company in that hole, wc, and chances are you'll be down there with some of the very people who are sitting in judgement.
Some of you are accusing wc of being immature and naive, but it is also naive to take a purely "moral" view of infidelity. It is NOT just a moral issue... it is also a social/cultural issue, a psychological issue, and a BIOLOGICAL issue... Our species, especially males, are hard-wired to seek multiple sex partners and therefore pre-disposed to "cheat" in monogamous situations. By choosing a monogamous lifestyle, as our culture almost demands, we set ourselves up for failure and then agonize and point fingers when we DO fail. If it were not so painful, it would truly be comical.
The reason the infidelity rate is so high is not because 80% of the marriages out there are made up of "immoral" people, it's because monogamy goes against our biological and psychological constitution. Luckily, most people somehow "rise above" their basic nature and do not have a "chronic" problem with infidelity, but even those who do are not dense or "stupid" (Clinton, for example, is highly intelligent).
The human spirit quests for perfection, but unfortunately perfection is not a human attribute. The soul leads us down paths that bring painful conflict, so that we can learn about ourselves. We are not always supposed to solve problems quickly. Sometimes we are supposed to stay "selfishly" in limbo awhile so we can be deepened and enlightened by the tensions of our conflict, which takes TIME. Yes, sometimes remaining in an illicit situation hurts... it hurts ourselves and it hurts other people. LIFE IS A CONTACT SPORT. Life (and especially love) is not supposed to be pain free. If we did not experience pain, we would never know when we were happy!
Through my affair, I have learned important things about myself, life, love, and marriage... I have gained amazing insights that I could NEVER have gained without direct experience.
I am not saying infidelity is "okay." I am saying it is FAR from a black and white issue, and people on both sides of the fence deserve respect and support. No? Well, then , for all who still insist on seeing it as a purely moral issue, "Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone."
wc, you sound like a romantic... I can always spot them, because I am one myself. You are out there searching for "true love" you say. But love is a decision and a choice, not just a "feeling." Romance is GREAT, but remember, no matter who you are with, you will eventually feel like killing them and the only thing that will stop you is not being quite sure what to do with the body.
