Steve, I keep thinking about the thing you said about keeping his plan B firmly in place. It feels like he wants out a) because he's avoidant as it is but b) because he can pursue the OW the way he wants to with a place of his own, but if we don't file anything then his plan B is still secure enough.
He knows if he chooses divorce the second the papers are signed I will cut him and any one in his periphery out of my life. Minus his daughter. She will always be welcome in my home and with me. So I'm not sure why he keeps pushing the friends thing.
Early in this mess, weeks ago, is when he brought up the friends thing the first time, and I said on what planet am I going to be friends with my ex H that I have no children with? I'm only cordial enough with the father of my child out of obligation. I don't go backwards with exes. (He has a history of dating a girl multiple times, and it failing multiple times; OW is someone he dated 10 years ago for a few months) I am the type to keep trying until there's no more try left in me, so when I'm done I'm done. He brought the friends thing up again last night with a qualifier of "I know not right away. I know it'll take some time. I know how you are." There's like this weird anticipation that he can keep this door open no matter how much I say if this ends in divorce there is no friends option.
I'm trying to stay optimistic that none of this will come to fruition. That maybe I'll get lucky and he'll start coming to by April or just not be committed enough to stick to his plan. But if I'm really honest with myself I don't know that I'll be entirely devastated to see him move out. The constant push and pull he's putting me through day to day is mentally and emotionally exhausting the physical distance might be nice.
