Job, I always appreciate your level-headed attitude!
Originally Posted by job
A large majority of posters are fixers and trust me when I say this....we couldn't have fixed our situations because we aren't the ones that stunted the spouses who are in crisis. What happened to them happened when they were children and yes, they would have gone through a crisis whether it be w/us, someone else or they were living alone.
And you cut right to the chase, OwnIt:
Originally Posted by OwnIt
Until he wants to figure out why he did this and how to fix it, none of it matters, except you of course.
True, true, though I hope it does increase my compassion, as long as I don't get caught up spending too much time trying to figure it out, as if there's an answer in the center of the maze.
I guess I still struggle with believing this is a crisis he's in, that it's not just, you know, me being the problem. On a rational level, I understand it can't be as simple as that—one day he suddenly realizes he's been unhappy for years and that he can't be happy with me; divorce; he's happy!; the end. But on an emotional level...
He's been slighter warmer and less shut-down with me since I've been back after the holidays. I think of the "Why the MLCer is so distant..." homework thread and Job's reminder: the main ingredient of MLC is depression. They will surface from time to time and seem friendlier, more normal. I look back over my journal for the past seven months and see this pattern repeat. (Yet I still think from time to time—wait—see, he's not depressed. He's not struggling. He never loved you. You're imagining all of this.)
I no longer see these friendlier interludes as indicative of any long-term positive trend, but the problem is that I know there is a tiny subconscious part of my brain that is collecting positive interactions and hoping, hoping, hoping, while the rest of my brain is saying, "THE D IS COMING! You will be disappointed. Why do you keep doing this?" It seems to run in the background like some computer virus...
