DnJ, I so appreciate your taking the time to walk me through these concepts. Compassionate and detached. Sometimes I get lost in threads where compassion for a spouse seems to be lacking (and I understand how easy it is for that to happen—I struggle with it some days too!); your words are centering, grounding. I know I will read and re-read them on this journey, because I am not there yet.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Detached is your emotional response being under your control, as opposed to an uncontrolled reaction from his behaviours and emotional state. You emotional uncouple from him. It is similar to how one is intellectually detached.
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Once your emotions are not dragged about by H’s actions, you are on your way to finding indifference. The place of numbness towards H; the feeling of numb or more accurately the absence of feelings.
I have come a long way in not letting my H's behaviors or moods control my actions. I feel pretty confident about that at the moment. I'm better at managing my emotional responses in that I don't let my emotions dictate my actions. But I haven't reached indifference, though I might sense it from time to time.
This feels especially important to me:
Originally Posted by DnJ
Vengeance, anger, hatred, attraction, will fill the empty space if one is not aware. And they loom large. Make the choice to fill the void with kindness, compassion, and empathy.
Your feelings towards H will be numb or placed away for safe keeping. Choosing compassionate detachment is harder, and so worth it.
I do not have to erase these feelings—I can't right now, anyway. I like the image of tucking them away for safe keeping.
