Just kind of journaling: Read the Infidelity and MLC chapters in DR last night. Then got on here and gorged on the MLC board. So I think I can say with certainty this 37 year old man is deep in a MLC. The same person who was completely MIA for 12+ hours 3 days ago, made dinner last night so I could go on a run with a friend, and must have used 'babe' at least 5 times. I seriously don't know how people ride this insanity out for years. I desperately want to be that light house. I equally want to throat punch him. ( I have not nor ever will hit him) Truly, if I didn't have an amazing support system who won't tell me they think I'm crazy for sticking this out to my face, and a C I have no idea how I or any one would survive this ridiculousness for more than a few weeks.
Remember, the WAS is on their own emotional roller-coaster. MLC. WS. Whatever they are they cycle just like you do. Further, they like to give you some breadcrumbs to keep you squarely in place as their Plan B. That is likely the making dinner and calling you babe.
Originally Posted by wayfarer
Ok I'm sorry for rapid fire posting but this man just IM'd me at work asking when we're going to tell the girls about him and his daughter moving out and our divorce. When I said I'd rather not talk about this at work he kept pushing. What i got was he heard the March 1st date as the day I wanted him out of the house. When I said that wasn't the plan the plan was to reassess on March 1, he responded with "I don't really see me changing between now and March 1"
What the hell does that even mean?
I got him to agree to talk about this tonight away from the girls. And not while I'm at work. But I could kill him. This is insane. I want my husband. I want my marriage. But I don't want this version of my husband and I sure as hell don't want this marriage.
I would have continued to avoid the messages.
"Sorry, very busy, can't discuss now." Then ignore him.
Tonight, when he talks, listen and validate. Study the validation thread. Remember, you can deflect too when he tries to pin you down.
"So when are we telling the girls I am moving out?"
"I really need some time to consider everything, this is a lot to think about."
Listen. Validate. Deflect. Do not get into back and forths. Do not get into specifics.
I don't remember, have you read DB/DR?
And my W was the same way. "We can do MC but I don't think it will help." "We can go to this marriage retreat but it probably won't change anything."
BELIEVE NOTHING HE SAYS. AND ONLY HALF OF WHAT HE DOES!
Last edited by Steve85; 01/08/2008:11 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
