I have asked why she wants to go to counseling. Her response is to work on having a better relationship. Not necessarily to save the marriage. I know that counseling will be only for her to justify why she was having an affair and to justify that she believes I never truly loved her. Maybe to convince me I would be better off without her. These are things she has told me in the recent past. So counseling would be more for her justifications than it would be for me. I do believe that her respect and idea of me is so low that she feels like counseling will also help me not be angry about the split.
Work on having a better relationship is a good thing IMO. The way things have been the last couple months I'd be surprised if she 180'd and was all in to save the MR. If she brings it up again, maybe ask for clarification. Going to MC to have a better relationship could mean trying to salvage the marriage in my opinion. Make sure you are communicating clearly to her and that you understand what she is saying. Obviously you aren't going to attend MC to check a box for her, but if she says to have a better relationship with you and she means it romantically then you should go.
Have you read my thread? I was in a similar position a year ago.
