LH I have worked real hard on validating and not being so confrontational with the ex. I know it doesn’t seem like it, I don’t post every little thing that happens between us either. She tries to bait me a lot of times into arguments and I don’t buy into it. Once and a while yes she gets me.
IDK what you may be saying, or if you are mainly using the same sentence when you validate. If so, she may feel you are patronizing. Maybe you could share with the board how you validate your XW. There are some folks here who could help you really fine tune your progress. (Not me, but there are others who have the gift.) She gives me the impression of an explosive chemical ready to blow at the smallest nudge. As you said, she baits you.
For Christmas Eve she spent part of it alone. W: Do you know how upsetting it is I have to be alone for Christmas Eve? Me: I can’t imagine how upsetting it is. I am sorry you are going through this.
W: Do you know how difficult your d has been with me? Me: I have no idea please tell me more so I can understand.
Originally Posted by LH19
W,
I guess I don’t understand why there is so much communication? I haven’t spoken to my ex w since Christmas.
We have 2 kids 11 and 9 and they are involved in a lot of activities so most of the communication is because of the kids. Payments, arranging getting them there. That’s most of our conversation. Every once and a while she will random text me. Like she text me once she liked my d new glasses I got her. We don’t have general conversations, ex: how was your day, what are you up to? None of those!!
Steve I have to work on paraphrasing. I try to repeat the emotion that she may describe. For example if she says something is frustrating. I will say I see how that could frustrate you. Or if she is mad I will ask her to tell me more why she is mad. So I try to just focus on the emotion.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
