LH I have worked real hard on validating and not being so confrontational with the ex. I know it doesn’t seem like it, I don’t post every little thing that happens between us either. She tries to bait me a lot of times into arguments and I don’t buy into it. Once and a while yes she gets me.
IDK what you may be saying, or if you are mainly using the same sentence when you validate. If so, she may feel you are patronizing. Maybe you could share with the board how you validate your XW. There are some folks here who could help you really fine tune your progress. (Not me, but there are others who have the gift.) She gives me the impression of an explosive chemical ready to blow at the smallest nudge. As you said, she baits you.
This is a great point. Validation is difficult because you can fall into the same phrases and then it sounds impersonal and robotic.
At a minimum, learn to get really good at repeating what she said back to her paraphrased.
Her: "It really angers me when you fight me over money for the kids." You: "So you are saying that it is upsetting to when I question spending money on the kids."
Again, try to keep the spirit of the feeling but don't repeat it word for word.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
