Here we go again

[Ready2Change]

You know what starts to win respect from your spouse? Owning your stuff and being committed to work on it. And you can't work on your stuff with the idea that you want to win your spouse back...You work on your stuff to be a better person, parent, etc. The attitude should be I want to work on XX because I don't want to be that type of person anymore. Not, I want to work on XX because my spouse told me that was a complaint in the marriage.

These are wise words.

Hank,

Each of us makes about 32,000 decisions a day. We decide when to wake up, when to get out of bed, should we make the bed, should I shave, should I shower, what shampoo should I use, what clothes the wear..etc

Make choices that align with this(I crossed out one item that you should now do while the R is at this stage):

Confidence by and far is the key in being attractive to women. . Women want to feel safe. A man that is confident projects that magnetism. A confident man is busy taking care of his home, career, body, cars, spirit, finances, mind and kids. When a woman sees her man handling his business and taking care of things it's attractive. Women nag when things aren't being taken care of, it's her way of letting you know what is on her mind. The problem is if you are a "nice guy" or pleaser you don't want to burden your wife with your problems because it might upset her. This makes her feel unsettled (not safe) because you are not being honest with her and you are avoiding her feelings. How can she feel safe if you can't stand up to her feelings?

One thing that was a huge 180 for me was how I reacted to my wife's worrying. I used to try and fix it, explain to her why she shouldn't feel that way and then tell her what I would do. (Women do you understand why men have this desire to fix things for you?) So the solution now is to really listen to her, try to understand her POV and then ask a probing open-ended question: "How can I help/support you with that?" It was eye-opening to me to find out alot of times that I wasn't expected to do anything except listen.

How to build confidence- get busy, take action, do something and talk about it.

Physical- strength training (it works wonders on the young men I coach), look good, dress like a man, walk tall, join a team

Mental- keep learning, read, take a class

Emotional - love yourself, know yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself, let go of fear, be a good partner, become intimate

Spiritual - understand your light and dark sides, challenge your view of God, embrace quiet, pray, be grateful

What else is attractive? Make goals and plans then share them with your spouse (intomesee). Have a sense of humor and know when to use it. Build excitement into your life. Don't be to predictable. Be responsible for yourself. You define your legacy.

When you become responsible for yourself you have the confidence to "set them free." Your happiness and your life is all about you handling it the best for you. When you let someone else dictate how your life will be run then you are a victim and that isn't attractive. The DB techniques are all about doing healthy things for yourself. You are in control of your thoughts, feelings and actions. So when your world is collapsing around you, how attractive is it to be in control and moving forward? That's the calm, assertive energy you want to give off. It's powerful.


You can handle it. Strength and Honor.