Pretty long post. How is the post on your sitch coming along?
Once I'm off moderation. I will post.
Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
I want to say thank your for your perspective. I do think we (DB'ers, LBS's) forget a lot of this. It's understandable as the LBS's are in such pain usually.
Your statement is a reminder that the LBS needs to focus on himself or herself. The things you posted are things that are within the control of each of us moving forward. Your statements also reminded me of something BluWave posted a while back stating that most wayward spouses are walkaways first. They're walking because of some bad behaviors that are pushing them away.
I agree that jumping back into the MBR is not going to move the needle much, because as the OP stated, there is clearly lots of other things that caused all this resentment. I also see it as a mental hurdle that for most men gets them to a better place, but doesn't change a whole lot in the woman's eyes at this point. So I'm unconcerned with it mostly.
Hank, hopefully you have thought about my earlier post to you. You need to come to grips with how serious you are about these changes, are they necessary, are you committed... Be frank with yourself. Taking the MBR will make you feel better, but for her it will require a great deal of patience and commitment.
Exactly. You know what starts to win respect from your spouse? Owning your stuff and being committed to work on it. And you can't work on your stuff with the idea that you want to win your spouse back. Because if you do get a second chance, there is the possibility the work will stop. You work on your stuff to be a better person, parent, etc. The attitude should be I want to work on XX because I don't want to be that type of person anymore. Not, I want to work on XX because my spouse told me that was a complaint in the marriage.
