I can't find it-- I think it was on Phoenix's original thread which she deleted (too many identifying details). IIRC, it was about being kind, warm, etc but not letting yourself give a $hit about anything he does-- and meaning it. It was a bit more in depth than the "friendly neighbor" analogy but along those same lines. I might have copied it to my journal-- I'll look.
I'm sure he was fishing. Let him sit with his anxiety.
Try to be calm. Let him go. if you have to, run around the house and scream your head off and let it all out before he gets there so you can be ZEN on him. Things to remember:
You can't control him, you can only control your own reaction; you didn't break him therefore you can't fix him; he needs to get out of his own confusion all by himself. He's a grownup. These are his decisions he's making and there is nothing you can do about it but focus on YOU and your daughter and how you can make the best of what is happening that is within your control.
You can do this. Let us know how it goes.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
