yep.. I'm also in that category. now with 2020 hindsight, there are some questions I have, that would truthfully be better off left unanswered.
Me too, bttrfly!
While in my marriage, I believed most of what my ex told me, so beside the initial sleeping with ex girlfriend the night before we married, which I thought we worked through, I didn't see suspicious things and assume the worst. Now though I look back and there are quite a few incidents that I suspect I missed what was really happening.
The surfing buddy who "broke up" with my ex because he felt my ex had made a pass at his wife. I assumed it was a misunderstanding (my ex was very extroverted and friendly) but now of course I suspect it was true.
The time my ex told me a story about a hooker coming to his hotel room by mistake on a business trip? I think he was subconsciously trying to tell me he actually slept with a hooker.
The pregnant woman coworker he took to Lilith Fair because I was working - I assumed she was safe because she was pregnant and married - now, who knows???
That night he went to play music at the home of an Asian woman musician and the other guy who was supposed to be there didn't show up, and ex was kinda "off" afterward - did he make a pass at her? (her being Asian is only significant because ex had a "thing" for Asian women and his new wife is Asian.)
If you are a normal, trusting spouse married to someone who MOST of the time seems like a loving responsible partner, you're just not searching for red flags and minor inconsistencies. And someone who has a sociopathic streak can be REALLY GOOD at gaslighting you.
I guess that's why I'm always talking about red flags now, because I know that I personally am not good at noticing them and have to work more to see them early on.
