I am wondering what you are thinking in terms of next steps then? If option 1 is not feasible for you, do you plan to continue with option 2 for some more time? Have you thought of any other options in addition to these two?
Well I need counsel first and foremost. I can't help if she thinks this is inflammatory.
W's idea is to go into mediation unrepresented and we will hash things out. She doesn't want the kids in after-school care if she is available to watch them, she doesn't want to work FT while the kids are young, she talks about her living options as either staying in the house we own or moving to a studio in a terrible neighborhood (very black and white). It's a convenient way to argue that I shouldn't have the kids on weeknights. And she doesn't want to give up weekend time because the kids always tell her they have so much fun at my place (which clearly irritates her). Her idea is minimal impact to the kids. I told her last night that things cannot remain the same, this is what happens in a D. It wasn't very DB of me, but I refuse to perpetuate the fantasy she has that I'm going to agree with her ideas about what is best for the kids. Standing up for myself is the biggest 180 I can make.
She does little things which you could call throwing me scraps, I will grant her that - letting me take the kids for a couple hours here and there. But it's not about the important things that I want ultimately. The more I ask for something that deviates from her plan (like having more than a 4-10 parenting split), she gets emotional and starts talking like I am a defective parent and person and SHE is the supportive one watching me through some process she imagines I'm going through.
I feel like what I want is fair and simple. I want to trend to 50-50 when D4 hits K. Split our assets fairly. And I will pay support in a way that allows my W some time to get back to work, but not in a way where I am paying her not to work.
I understand my W is probably scared about all these potential changes and how her life will get turned upside-down in many ways. And her fear must motivate the allegations. I can step outside myself and empathize with her mindset even if I think it is exaggerated and overblown and, well, fiction. She has never filed a report or RO. But she still SAYS these things all the time, and I think it is a huge risk when we do start hashing things out.
Anyways, MLC, to your point, there is a 3rd option I am considering but I'm doing some legwork before proceeding with that one. It is probably the right one to take. Option 2 no longer works for me (remember MWD... do what works... Option 2 has been my MO for 9 months now...)
