Hi, Kindly. It is helpful to follow along with your thread, because you are asking many of the questions I have asked. You are not alone. We are not alone, and there are many here who have been on this path.
Originally Posted by Kindly
1. Do they often appear as if everything is fine with total confidence that nothing has changed? Except for when hiding in ‘their quarters’ and showing avoidance behaviour at home?
One of the things my H will do is act like everything is fine and he's living a wonderful life while he does his best to avoid me when he's at home, which totally makes me question reality. Sometimes I will see a glimpse of anger or something other than that projection of happiness in him and remember that what's going on on the surface is very different than what's going on inside him, and that's why he's trying to run from it. It's crazy-making, which I suppose is a good reason for the compassionate detachment we're trying to reach.
Originally Posted by Kindly
2. How do I show him change is possible from a distance when I feel like he’s not even looking?
Visit my thread and you'll see I recently asked a similar question, even as I knew the answer, which is pretty much what others have said here! The more I am seeing of my H's ability to justify any decision he makes, the more the truth of this, "Make changes for YOU," hits home. Example: He has noticed changes, but worries they won't last. It seems like if they do notice, it will be something like that, or they will come up with other reasons, whatever they can. So, whether he does or doesn't notice is beside the point, ultimately--they should be changes that are in accordance with your core values, for yourself.
