Patience and Limbo (Core thread 3)

[SteveLW]

Again, I am not disagreeing with you. At all. But when someone goes to people for objectivity, that is what they should be given. LBSs come here all the time wanting to pressure and pursue. Feeling like they need to be talking to their WAS about the situation all the time. We could tell them what they want to hear and watch them walk right into a D, or we can tell them what gives them a better chance at eventually Ring.

I was not advocating any married person doing "It's not just a WAS. Don't believe me. Try it on your W tonight. tell us how it goes." That is how you end up with a WAS!

I agree that Core should be practicing validation of feelings...in all walks of life, to exercise that muscle. But if he comes here thinking he won't get objectivity himself then I don't know why he would post here.

"I'm not to proud to admit my own mistake with this with my W. My W didn't like my brothers fiancé. I kept telling her she was wrong to not like her and that she needed to get over it. How do you think that went? I have since apologized for minimizing her feelings (Well before the BD) but I know she still remembers it."

Yep. Did similar stuff. It is not the right approach at all for a S. However, if your W went to a forum online and said "I don't like my BiL's fiance, how should i deal with it." I see no problem with that forum giving her a dose of objectivity. That is what we are. My point was that when you said:

"Oh the irony floating around here. I've been told several times that my perceptions were wrong and it just served to cheese me off. it actually proves AS and Steve's point though."

Getting told HERE that your perceptions are skewed is not the same as a S telling their S they are. Or a coworker telling a coworker that. Or -insert any real life example you want here-. But on this forum we tend to give 2x4s to help a LBS get their thinking right. Some don't like the bluntness. I've often told the posters here in their threads, if you don't like what I say tell me to kick rocks and I will move on to the threads that do appreciate it.

But one thing I will NOT tolerate is someone else telling me in another poster's thread not to be blunt. Being blunt, straight-forward and objective is for the OP's benefit. And if another poster doesn't like it...tough. (Unless that other poster is job or cadet! LOL)