I would sleep on it Wayfarer and think about what your goals are. What do you hope to achieve by “picking the boundary fight”? Personally, if I were you, I wouldn’t even let on that I had noticed he was gone. And I would double down on my GAL activities and stop checking to see what he is doing or not doing on SM. Honestly...why drive yourself crazy like that? And why should you have to explain where he is? I think he can explain that himself if your Ds want to know. If they ask you, you can be honest and just say he went out and didn’t tell you where he was going.
I did sleep on it, twice, I left it alone yesterday, and I'm not bringing up his crappy behavior, because that's exactly what he wants me to do. I'd rather him wonder why I didn't set his crap on fire on the front lawn and am acting like nothing happened. The only thing I hoped to achieve is not coming off like he can do anything he wants and I'm ok with it. Because I'm not. His MLC is BS, and his behavior is deplorable.The other point is he made an agreement to tell me where he's going even if he's not coming home, even if he's with the OW, or at the very least lie, so I'm not the one explaining his crappy behavior. So letting him explain himself to the girls is probably the best compromise to creating a boundary here, "If you can't abide by our agreement and try to keep things calm and predictable for the girls then you will have to explain where you are. I'm not lying or making excuses for you," kind of thing.
I stayed away from social media and phone records for about 8 hours of no contact. After that point it was more if seeing if he was alive. He is a social media wh**e. Always has been. The fact that he posted absolutely nothing in the last 48-72 hours is completely and totally out of character for him even in this fun new phase of life. He's the type to post like 4 or 5 times a day on multiple platforms. He loves the attention.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
That look of shock on his face when he saw you and you just laughed and went to bed? THAT’s what you want. You want to challenge his ideas about you. Remember...he’s not doing this to get under your skin or expose you as a controlling person. He’s just doing what he feels like doing.
He is doing what he feels like doing, but a lot of his behavior is to goad me into being the person he's presented me as to OW. There have been a lot of "you always" " you never" accusations pointed at me. If I question literally anything it's me being controlling. I'd love to say this is solely him just doing whatever he wants to do, but it's not. He's been trying to bait me in fights, bait me into kicking him out, and the behavior he thinks he has me pegged for, so he can prove I'm the bad guy here. As unkind as this is he's a coward by nature, even before all this, he never wanted to deal with looking like the problem. At this point anything I do that will make him look justified and not like the bad guy here is exactly what he wants.
I am working hard on GAL and 180 but as I've said coming out of depression none of this is easy or quick. I do have plenty to do. I have 2 teenagers that don't drive. I'm working on getting into a master's program, started a dance class, started running again. But I'm a homebody by nature. I would love to just be home and read my book and that really may be part of why I'm struggling. Keeping the girls out, and going, going, going, drains me and makes it difficult for me to detach appropriately. Honestly I'd be fine with either the D or R. I know that sounds unreasonable, because I see lot of people are super resistant to moving on. Don't get me wrong, I love him and want to save my marriage, but I know I can't, and won't live like this forever. I deserve more than this. At the very least D or R is definitive. It's living in limbo like this and wondering if he'll snap out of this or if this time period and that last 7 years of my life have been a complete waste is what's awful.
