You’re all correct (as usual). It is purely fear that is holding me back. I’ve spent the last three days on my own (he has had the kids) and I’ve loved it. I’ve pottered around the house, watched Netflix (Marvellous Mrs Maisel - thank you for recommendation Yail), did some YouTube yoga videos and generally enjoyed being in MY house. He did ask me to join them at his mums 60th but I decided not to go - he asked me 30 mins before he was due to pick up the kids and it made me feel like an afterthought, and he dropped round a couple of times to pick up clothes for the girls. Each time I wanted him (and the girls) to leave again so I could have the house to myself. I digress, yes - I am comfortable in my new normal, more than comfortable. I’ve faced the “I’m missing out on 50% of my children’s lives”, “I’m no longer part of the (extended) family”, “who will ever love me”, thoughts of him spending time and being intimate with someone else (I stil don’t think he is with anyone btw) and f***, Im NEVER having sex again tunnels ... and I’m fine. I’m even happy even. But acceptance of those things came over time, happened organically. There was no discussion. Just slow and steady normalisation. Evolution. This, like him leaving, is a cosmic shift (in my little, though over dramatic, mind).
I do know I’m being over dramatic. I will get through it. And the kids will get through it.
The “meeting” is scheduled for Wed eve while the kids are at footie training. I will try and make sure it’s in a public place as he is less likely to become combative (bullying) in public. He tends to the irrational which makes me I take on a school teachers tone - he just gets worse (I have known him to cover his ears and start singing). I might open with asking him what he wants (I still have no idea). I am ok if he wants to sell - we will need to put the wheels in motion quickly as it will take 3-6 months to sell, and once the variable rate kicks in he will have to help out until it’s sold. I am ok if he wants to keep it - though he will need to help out when we move to a variable rate. I can then seek a new mortgage deal when secure employment. Either way, he will need to help out.
Dilly - our separation is not a secret but we don’t talk about it. I suspect he is open about it at work and with his friends who aren’t connected to the ‘family’. I am the same. We threw a BBQ for D13s birthday last year and one of the mums husbands (I am close to the mum) asked her in the car how he should behave. She said “Pretend you don’t know.” Those close to me will ask how I am from time to time, but generally everyone is use to how we are. No-one is surpised when they come round and he is sitting in the kitchen having a cup of tea.
I have thought many times how great it would be nice to meet some of the wonderful people on here IRL. We would probably get through quite a few bottles of wine while we set the world to rights. I understand the rules though - fragile people make for easy pickings for those so inclined. The few ruin it for everyone.
