Venting/Update: Today was an up and down day, H started a convo on feelings and the events of the move. H wanted to know how I was doing, and I kept it nonchalant at first. He then shared more on how he was feeling and the reasons he saw for the move failing. He kept referring to the reasons as things that we both did but it had a quality of “blameyness” towards me. I didn’t say anything in response, I just listened and validated. I did express some of my unhappiness, and some of the reasons I felt the move didn’t work. We are still somewhat at odds in our perspective. He did ask me a baiting question and again I answered as nonchalantly as possible, and I felt more blame was being put on me for the move failing. I really wanted to lash out but I didn’t.
I talked to my counselor and she was suggesting I point blank ask him if he thinks I’m fully to blame, and that I should tell him that I feel less important than his mother, who he has been emotionally supporting the last few weeks (and he’s been incredibly distant from me and that hurts). So, this advice seems to be counterintuitive to what I hear here. Thoughts?
The night ended with him being pissed off by a work related email that somehow he turned into my fault by the magic of irrational thinking! I was screaming in my head, if you hate what you do for a job then do something about it, that doesn’t include a drastic and traumatic change!!, and stop blaming me for your unhappiness!!! Of course I didn’t say that out loud, I just left the room.
