When the MLCer has tried all avenues to dull their pain and there is nothing left to distract them, they will then begin to look within. MLCers, like addicts, must hit their bottom. Until they are ready to face reality, they will be lost. They have to lose everything, i.e., respect, the love and compassion, understanding, etc., from their families and friends. They even have lost respect for themselves and when they do hit their bottom, that is when they finally realize that all of those exterior "fixes" where not the answers to dull their pain. When they come to realize that they were not at fault for what happened to them so long ago is when they will truly wake up and begin the long journey back to reality.
Wise words from job. I needed to hear this too.
Kindly, you are not alone. As for question #1, the posters here advocate believing half of what you see and nothing of what they say (I think that's correct, if not hopefully someone will set me straight). The advice is to not worry about how they think, feel, act, appear, or talk. Ideally your actions will be based on your own values and principles and therefore shouldn't change based on anything to do with your H. This answers your question #2. You don't change for him. Change if you believe you need to change.
