Job - Thank you for the answer...it helps to understand some of the why. I feel like my skull is soooo thick. I hear the words, I understand the words but I feel like I’m still coming up with “buts” ....”but if I just say this he’ll get it or at least think about it at some point”. I feel like I’m trapping myself because I haven’t had the opportunity to apologize for how I’ve made him feel (mostly MLC talk but if he said it aloud I should have validated instead of fought ...this was early on in the confusion stage) now he’s shut right down and does anything and everything to avoid a conflict of any sort including talking. He also still seems to be going out with family and friends which seems ‘abnormal’ for MLC so I’m feeling like things are status quo for him, while also questioning if I’m using MLC incorrectly as an answer to his behaviour. Much advice says ignore them, detach but then others say change what you need to change within yourself and he’ll see those changes but my H won’t if he’s not even communicating with me. [i]<whine whine whine> even as I read this back I’m annoyed with myself but I feel like it helps to clear my head. [/i] I guess if I was to actually pull a question out of the above ramble it would be:
1. Do they often appear as if everything is fine with total confidence that nothing has changed? Except for when hiding in ‘their quarters’ and showing avoidance behaviour at home?
2. How do I show him change is possible from a distance when I feel like he’s not even looking? When The changes “we” as a couple need to make are quite minimal but the changes we individually need to make within ourselves are larger and he’s oblivious to that. - again when I read this back the answer seems obvious in that I can’t “make” him see anything.
I sometimes feel like it’s harder when he’s here but then at least I know where he is. I dunno. Thank you all so much
