Questions from a LBS 5 months in

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When the MLCer has tried all avenues to dull their pain and there is nothing left to distract them, they will then begin to look within. MLCers, like addicts, must hit their bottom. Until they are ready to face reality, they will be lost. They have to lose everything, i.e., respect, the love and compassion, understanding, etc., from their families and friends. They even have lost respect for themselves and when they do hit their bottom, that is when they finally realize that all of those exterior "fixes" where not the answers to dull their pain. When they come to realize that they were not at fault for what happened to them so long ago is when they will truly wake up and begin the long journey back to reality.

That long journey will take a while, i.e., just as it took them to go into crisis. They don't just snap out of it, it is a very gradual rise to the surface and one that we will begin to see when they begin to reconnect w/friends, etc.

It is important to let them go, give them the space and time that they need. We can push and prod and suggest getting help, but until they are ready to do so, they won't. Just like an addict, they have to work on themselves and be ready to admit that something is wrong and then seek help...we can't do that for them, because we didn't break them, therefore, we can't fix them. The best advice is to listen and validate whenever possible.

BTW, you missed the signs just like all of us...they were very gradual and we may have thought that they were having issues at work or just not feeling well...you wouldn't have known what to look for...but looking back in the rearview mirror now, you can think about things and actually begin to piece together the signs back then. Don't beat yourself up because you didn't see the signs....again, they are so gradual, we didn't pay too much attention to them.

Dig deeper for patience and keep that focus on you.