Peace and joy continue to beckon

[DnJ]

Hello Grace

Wonderful to hear from you. And wow about the latest developments, no wonder you feel muddled.

H’s current awaking might be from the holiday season or might be more. Remember H is still on his timeline. A bit more time and answers will present themselves. Focus on you.

I will say his answering of your specific questions is most encouraging. You best get your expectations down to zero regarding him. He is going to be a while getting use to his new ideas, mindset, and feelings. He will be messed up for a while, and hopefully working towards better. And you don’t want resentment building when he stumbles so expectations must be low.

I am quite impressed with your conversation with him. The remaking beds was a nice touch. Also remaking yourself let him know certain things as well. Very non judgemental; well done.

His answers sound sincere; now let time work and watch for sincerity. Actions over words.

H is at the moment reaching out. Take a big breath and recall all your inner work and how far you have come. H is no where near that. You have done well presenting a safe and soft place for him to land. Do continue that. Be compassionate, caring, and kind. For him, but mostly because that is who you are. Nothing you do will affect his path, and everything you do will affect his path.

How far did you come to forgiveness? How much empathy? I have a pretty good idea my good friend, however I think it would be really good for you to actually write it down.

The myriad of questions is quite normal. Answers will present themselves when one is calm and at peace. You still have the gift of time my girl, use it wisely.

Would I ever want to entertain reconciliation? I know it would be in the distant future if I would, at all. Why do I feel stalled in my resolve to move forward with the D? Should I get the marriage settlement agreement done to legally split assets and then wait to file for D? D or not, would that change anything in how I’m living my life now? If I ever would entertain reconciliation, wouldn’t everyone think I’m a fool?

That last one is tough. Is that really what I’m worried about?

I’ll start at the last question. No, not everyone would think you a fool. I would not consider, and do not consider you a fool.

“Would I ever want to entertain reconciliation? I know it would be in the distant future if I would, at all.” This is interesting and is not a no. Much hopefully possibilities within that statement. The future is unknown as well as the timelines. I did not cross out any particular word(s). Your mind is listening and actively searching for answers, no need to limit things. You are only considering the possibility of reconciliation, not reconciling - yet.

So, would a separation agreement or divorce change how you are living right now? Probably not very much.

The fact that you have pause and not a somewhat immediate “no” answer to possible reconciliation - take some time to think and feel what you want and believe. Time is your friend and there is no need to rush. Answers will come.

You have compassionate indifference. You do care. The indifference does take a bit to unwind and find one’s stored feelings. It’s much easier when you have found acceptance, which you have. And forgiveness is a real big help, which I believe you are getting closer and closer too. We spend a lot of time getting our feelings under control. Purposefully letting them out a bit is now required to find some answers.

My suggestion and of course I’m at heart a pretty hopeful guy: Take H at face value for right now. Keep living your life. GAL, and all the things you have and are doing. Let H dictate how fast this progresses and where it progresses. I’m pretty sure he will converse again, validate him, be that beacon, and follow your values. He will work to catch up or he won’t. Bottom line I’d give him and you time to see what he might do, and what he actually does; all while not watching too hard.

I will release my worry, live in the present, and wait for time to bring answers.

I so encourage you.

You’ve got the time.

DnJ