A large majority of posters are fixers and trust me when I say this....we couldn't have fixed our situations because we aren't the ones that stunted the spouses who are in crisis. What happened to them happened when they were children and yes, they would have gone through a crisis whether it be w/us, someone else or they were living alone. The crisis was going to happen to them because of being stunted emotionally at an early stage.
What we can do is what you are doing right now, reading and educating yourself on MLC, depression, NGS, etc. It helps us better understand some of what they are going through. The scars of hurt are very deep within them and it takes a very long time for those scars to begin to bubble up at some point when the triggers are set into motion. Again, we couldn't have known that this was going to happen until we were hit w/the BD.
They have to go through the entire crisis to come out the other side. Some will come out more mature and more like the old selves, others will retain some of the quirky behavior and others will be lost forever, i.e., searching and being the old men/women in crisis who never actually grow up. Let's hope and pray that your spouse can navigate his crisis and come out the other side a whole, mature man who is more than ready to reconcile and be a wonderful husband to you once again.
Continue to educate yourself on MLC, depression, NGS, etc., but understand...you didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him. You have to accept the fact that you cannot fix him...he has to do it on his own. You can be a friend to him, listen to what he has to say and only offer up advice if he should ask for it. Right now, the most important lesson is to listen.
Dig deeper for patience and as you travel the path of self discovery for yourself, you will learn how to more patient and compassionate. Yes, there are going to be days when you would like to choke him...but those feelings will pass as you continue to observe from afar as to just how lost he is right now.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
