You should stay the course and leave her be. Well, your description of what happened to her as a small child explains a lot of what she's going through right now. She was stunted emotionally as a child and there was no one there to hear her, to actually listen and validate her feelings of loss, unhappiness, etc. Poor child.
What can you do? You allow her the time and space she needs to find herself. You stay the course and continue giving her that much needed space she requires. She needs to go back in time and face her demons and come to realize that as a child, there was nothing she could do about what happened. From there she will begin to grow up and hopefully be a happier and more individual.
I know you want to hold her and reassure her, but you can't. This is her journey to travel back down memory lane. You were not invited on her journey....but you can be there when she reaches out to you and just listen. Do not offer up advice unless she asks for it. Being a good listener will be what she needs and being a good friend to start out would be best. Keep your expectations at zero at all time.
Her crisis didn't just happen, it has taken years and years for this to begin the bubbling up to the surface. Now, she needs to find her way and the best way to do that is space and time. I know, I am repeating myself over and over about space and time...but those two things are very important. This is not a sprint...but a marathon and it will take as long as it takes for her to get through it. You cannot rush the process.
Keep the focus on you and dig deeper for patience. You cannot rush the process for either of you. One minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. If you attempt to rush the process, she may pull even further away. It is important that you find things to do and make those changes that you think you need to make and make they a permanent part of your life.
There is a resources thread at the top of the forum that has some valuable info in it as well as the Welcome Posting link. I created a thread many years ago on my thoughts as to why they run away and it might be helpful to you as well. Here is the link to the thread
Last edited by job; 01/04/2003:48 PM. Reason: added a link to another thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
