I took a couple of days away for the holiday. End of year for work is tedious and so I have been hitting it hard. I ended up going to the NYE party with ww. We had a great evening filled with friends and laughter, but I was emotional and sensitive. I was kind of a jerk to her towards the end of the night and pushed her away. I am so scared of getting hurt again that I know it's a protective reaction on my part.
The next day we texted some and she told me that she knows that she wants to reconcile. She knows that she wants a future with me and that she will do whatever she has to do in order to make it a reality. That she is going to fight for us.
It's everything I want to hear. I told her that she knows what has to happen for me to even consider moving forward and that we cannot move forward while she has a girlfriend. I want all the things she says that she does. I know KG will be ok either way it goes.
I had some more work things to do yesterday and when she stopped by (for work), she told me that she ended everything with OW. She told me that she wanted to talk and asked if I could come over to her house after work. I agreed - plus it was my team's bowl game yesterday in football - woot!
We talked almost all night. She said that she knows that she wants us and our future. She said that she has been scared lately that I don't want the same things. We talked about our fears and what we both want moving forward. I explained that I want to take things slowly, and that there is so much trust that has to be rebuilt. She wants time before we even begin to try R for her to move on from OW. For her to fight and "make it stick". WW told me that she has never been able to open up to OW and that lately, OW has been pressuring her for commitment and for her to leave the MR. I listened and let her know that I am not ready to reconcile. That I want a future where we are together, but that she needs to fight for us and prove that she wants the same things.
I know this a lengthy update. I know I did not successfully go NC. I also know that I am going to try my best to not put any stock into what she is telling me without time and proof in the pudding. I am also going to keep growing and working myself and the things that make me happy outside of any relationship.
I hope you all had a fantastic NYE. If you didn't, take heart, it can only go up.
KG
LBW 32 - me WW 31 T 7 M 4 No Kids 4 dogs
Separated 1y Navigating the mine field and GAL with or without
