Similar to many of the situations I’ve researched and read on many sites I find myself in the most unwanted club of navigating a H in MLC.
BD was end of August 2019, in which he informed me “I need to flip the tables, I need to move out. We have no kids so there’s nothing to stay for and everything should be easy to divide”. He left for a month within two weeks of BD...then came back to the house. In the span of a very confusing month and a half, I found out about an EA that had been going on since at least April 2019, he bought a motorcycle, was already working out excessively, bought new clothes, new glasses (changes to his appearance), began drinking a lot more than usual, has ALWAYS been a workaholic but dove in even more and has been distant and mildly confrontational BUT then for me the confusing part of all of this in the evenings he will seem to “calm down”, watch tv with me, offer dinner or tea etc...
I have taken the last few months to dive into a lot of the material on this site (the welcome info as well as follow some similar story lines to my own Thank you all so much 😊) Despite doing all of the “typical” wrong things behaviour wise at the beginning I was quick enough to realize that something was really off and began looking right away for what could be happening and began the process of detaching and GAL. Sadly for me, I find myself in a situation where I’m constanlty questioning if this is a MLC because he hasn’t waivered in wanting to S/D...with a major push to sell the house so he can “get out of the basement”.
I guess right this second I’m lost for what to say to him and how to handle his want of creating a S agreement right now along with his need for immediate resolution. (Brought it up again last night after 4 weeks of doing/saying nothing). I understand trying to reason with him is hitting my own head against a wall, but how do I communicate there are other solutions without controlling him or the situation? Or even “go along” with something that is so destructive? If I’m honest with myself, there is also fear there because I’m still emotionally healing and don’t even understand or know how to create an agreement that protects me should this continue to spiral. Am I truly in a position where I have to respect his feelings and agree to head down this path with him? Sorry for the scattered thoughts I feel like where I am really lost is in my communication with him...he is completely silent and it’s thrown me off so badly. Thanks for anything you have to offer.
