Core, I was like you in the beginning, always claiming "I just had to look". My troubles with not snooping are documented in my threads. Truth is, we don't have to. And as others have said, it rarely improves things and almost always makes them worse. Just like R talks. That is why we advocate not starting them. And if you get dragged into one to listen, and validate.
Read the validation thread. Validating is a money technique! Why? Because your W will feel heard and will feel that her feelings are understood without you agreeing to anything she says. It is powerful in any relationship, not just in your marriage. Shoot, I've even used it on other posters!
Study validation and master it, it will work wonders in your sitch.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
