I'm 5m since BD and 3m DB from my WAW. I'm going through almost the exact same feelings as yourself. I am still providing for her/us and she hates me. Crazy tough. I want to be with this woman ? I still react to her and battle these questions daily. Watching her going out and having fun without me...I question why fight ? Well I still believe there is a chance for us and the kids. In the process and the hardest part is GAL myself. She is out for herself right now and I need to get out for myself. Everything is so against my nature, but I am looking at this as the biggest challenge of my life. However, also realizing much is out of my control.
Like you, I question how we got here and if I want this long term. I really don't know right now, but want to keep the door open.
Detach from the rejection and not so much her per say.
I do see changes though. Have faith, my friend, but like you this is no short road. And to where I don't know.
I am getting better at myself and DB. I make far less conversation mistakes now and have started to become better naturally. I never show anger around her anymore. I naturally suppress it now and listen better. Have better prepared responses. No matter how shitty and angry I am coming over, I act happy, confident and fun around her and the kids. I try to give her space and do the opposite of some bad behaviors i used to have around her.
She has a HUGE guard up and flat told me she was done back at BD, but I will be stronger in the end if I fight for this. She feels things will go back once I am content. I just keep making lasting changes (not 100% sure what she wants anyways) and she will have to decide at some point.
Good luck friend I will keep following and maybe help each other.
