Yes, the mortgage is in both our names. When we moved here the mortgage was a big jump (it was our forever home), so I agreed to make the repayments as long as he paid the utility bills. I earned a lot more than him and he really wasn't in a position to take on the higher repayments. The mortgage was also secured on my income alone - we didn't need his.
I've taken your advice and sent him the following message: "Hi. We need to discuss what your intentions are in respect of the house. I have a new role but it's only three months so even if we wanted to renew for another two years, I am not sure we will be able to. It would be better to set some time aside without the ids, perhaps over coffee to do this. Let me know when would be suitable for you." and got the following response "Ok. Let me organise time for next week as this week may be tough as girls are on hols" . I've suggested tomorrow as his mum is taking the girls for a few hours.
I can't really move to a different town - D10 is still in primary and I have to drive her to school in the morning. Moving somewhere else would be a logistical nightmare. I could move further out once she's in high school and can catch the train. I can't move too far out though, their lives are here, there dad (and his extended family) are here.
I could downsize. Happily. I would not need to though if I could move 20 minutes out. We live nearly in the centre of town and prices are crazy here. If I moved out I could get a similar sized property for a couple of 100 k less. Again, that would have to wait until D10 is in high school.
I suspect the best plan would be to rent for two years near where we live. Somewhere slightly smaller (my place is 5 bedrooms) in a less desirable part of town. Then, in two years, buy slightly further out. As long as their is a train station.
There are definite advantages of moving. He can't come and go as he wishes. He can't go through all the cupboards and drawers (he doesn't even make a pretence of not doing this, just says "I'm looking for the torch, and then proceeds to open every kitchen cupboard and drawer). It would be mine (even if I am renting) and not in any way his. But d@mnit the finality of it, after this long (and comfortable'ish) limbo is scary.
And the girls. It is another thing that they love being taken away from them.
F*****
I may need to meditate (or have a strong drink) to calm my nerves.
