How did you others find the patience and how did you not fill with hate when being treated so poorly? A small sliver of me now thinks W may come out of her ways eventually but at what cost.
Anyone here who says they weren't mad or upset at their spouses is a GD liar. I'm sure in your mind, you've turned what she's done into the worst things ever. A small reading on this site shows you that people have been treated 100X worse than you have. So some perspective is in order. That is not to minimize how she's treating you. Everyone deserves some respect.
But you have to remember that maybe your W felt this way about you for years. Many LBS seem to forget and want to focus on the hurt they are experiences.
Maybe her accusing him of not talking to her is more likely Gaslighting. Why should he strike up conversations with someone who is cheating and wanting to D him?
How did you others find the patience and how did you not fill with hate when being treated so poorly? A small sliver of me now thinks W may come out of her ways eventually but at what cost.
Anyone here who says they weren't mad or upset at their spouses is a GD liar. I'm sure in your mind, you've turned what she's done into the worst things ever. A small reading on this site shows you that people have been treated 100X worse than you have. So some perspective is in order. That is not to minimize how she's treating you. Everyone deserves some respect.
But you have to remember that maybe your W felt this way about you for years. Many LBS seem to forget and want to focus on the hurt they are experiences.
Core ~ I've commented a few times on your thread about NGS and anxiety. I see a lot of myself in your posts.
These situations are emotional gauntlets. One of the best things you can do (in my humble opinion) ESPECIALLY if you have NG tendencies and issues with anxiety... work on your emotional awareness.
OF COURSE we feel hurt and mad and angry at times. Hate is a strong word, but I also would bet most if not all of us LBS's have felt that too at some point.
As Mario pointed out, your W also probably feels some strong emotions about you. Maybe she's been frustrated for years. Everyone has a different level of tolerance and patience in their sitch. How do we deal with poor treatment? Well... if it's bad enough, we set boundaries. Otherwise, we learn to deal with it by handling our own emotions and giving our WAS the time and space they need while we work on ourselves as well. I'm not being flippant -- this is really really hard to do, but the more you can deal with your own emotions in a healthy way, you will be better off in so many ways.
Look again at the sentence I quoted above. You are already talking about how hard it might be to get over your resentment if you end up piecing things together down the road. You are spending your precious mental energy worrying about one possible future which may not happen. Is this useful?
Maybe her accusing him of not talking to her is more likely Gaslighting. Why should he strike up conversations with someone who is cheating and wanting to D him?
Because she's the mother of his kids? Because maybe she's going through her own crisis? Because maybe she's had moment of sincerity? I was simply suggesting that Core needs to make up his own mind. The reason I respond is that his situation is very close to mine. There were times when I didn't just shut down my wife when she wanted to talk.
I'm not sure if his W has explicitly said she wants a D after the first time.
