How do I Save this?

[SteveLW]

Hello,

Thank-you in advance to anyone who reads this post
I have ordered the book and am waiting eagerly.
We have been together for 5 years, married for 3.5, with a 3.5 year old. We met while travelling, as he is from another country we did not spend much time together the first year. So, we went into a completely stressful situation - pregnancy, him moving from Europe, me starting a business and then going back work as well full time. Then we bought and rennovated a house. We did alllll the stressful things in the 3.5 years. Everything now is just settling out - or so I thought.

My H asked for divorce (separation?) Nov 10. I did not react well. I was already under a lot of stress (my business needs to be sold as its sucking the life out of me).
We went through lots of rollercoasters - he was half living elsewhere.
Since the breakup, we are communicating more deeply than we ever have, and even were able to sit through each others anger - something we never really did before. We started having sex about a week after we broke up - the sex just got better and better. We laugh more, we connect better than ever. He does everything he can to help with the house and our family responsibilities, including my business.
And he still insists that we are over.
He wants to live in our house - in the basement - and help finsih the renos. We just signed the mortgage in August.
We are splitting out our expenses so that is more separated. And we talk about getting a dog together - he wants to be best friends and economic partners. We still love each other and we are still attracted to each other.

And he still insists that we are over.

I was not present a lot for those 3.5 years... I was too stressed. I recognize that. I know I am not to blame 100%, but I do know that I was barely surviving. I am on leave now to recover from all this.

I am just not sure what to do next. Let him stay here even though he insists we are over and he says he will eventually start dating someone new? See how this goes? Tell him if he wants to separated, he should really get his own house?

I am at a loss.

Hi West. Welcome and sorry you find yourself here. Many of us have been through this. To the question in your thread title, my answer is a thread I wrote a while back:

The secret to saving your marriage is in here!

And he still insists that we are over.

Yep, this is typical WAS script stuff. Mine was insistent on this....even after she would initiate a night (and I am not too far off from saying the entire night) of passion.

Keep your chin up, focus on you. Remember you cannot control him, but you have full control over you, your reactions and your actions. GAL....like crazy. Be a busy busy woman. 180 on your bad behaviors. Use this as an opportunity to become the best version of yourself that you can. And detach. This means to become emotionally stable no matter what he says or does. Tough? Yes. Doable, also yes!