Newlywed and in crisis

[funbun]

job,

Thank you for your response and happy new year to you.

I went through with your advice with trying to enjoy the holidays. I decided to go stay at my parents' place for three days without W. I figured I've been going through this for a month now and needed rest and time away from W. This meant that I needed to tell my side of the family about my sitch. Before this I held off telling them because I didn't want too many people to be involved in what already is a delicate situation. However, I changed my mind and decided to tell them as I needed the support from my family for my own mental well-being.

W wanted to go see my parents together and explain everything to them together. However, I refused and insisted that I go see them on my own. She was not happy about it, angry in fact. My reason was that I needed to see my parents on my own so that I can just let it all out (my sadness, frustration, etc) to them. I've been holding it all in for about a month and needed someone to release it to. I figured, I've been at her side for a month and have been nice to her, being a bit selfish in this case is fair.

So I went and talked to my family. They were thankfully understanding. I had my three days of rest and to contemplate on my sitch.

I am back now under the same roof with my wife. She's still p!ssed at me. Irritated. Cold treatment. The usual. She still wants to talk to my parents. I agreed to let her talk to them next week.

My three days of rest has got me thinking about why W wanted D. Maybe because she has an avoidant attachment style and has a fear of commitment (I am not a therapist but the signs seem to point at this being the case). Got me thinking about our pursuer-distancer dynamic; the number of times she has rejected me one way or another even when we were together before M. But I kept on chasing her and wanted to fix things. And now, she is rejecting me again.

I figured, enough is enough. No more chasing. I feel a lot more detached now. I'm still polite to her but rather in a apathetic kind of way. Before I tried to be helpful around the house, now I don't offer help unless she asks me to.

The question: is this the right mentality when you are detaching? I've been told to be her "friend" right now, but I find it hard to bring myself to treat her in a warm and friendly manner when I feel sad and hurt inside. Right now, the best I can do is be polite, calm, and not get angry.

Another question, did I make the right move by going to my parents on my own? It frustrated W, and seemed to make her colder towards me again.