Just saw some of the more recent posts on my thread. Thank you all for your good wishes!!!
DnJ and Blu.... thank you for your words and for your support. You have all helped me so much and kept me walking forwards on a path that I can look back on and be proud of. I still feel I have work to do but your example and wise words have given me a direction and a goal to aim for.
Christmas was great. My kids loved their gifts and loved being home with their extended family. They are such loving and genuine kids. I am so thankful to be their mom. XH also let me keep them an extra day so they could spend more time with SD20 who showed up on Boxing Day.
Sadly, SD20 is still uninterested in connecting with her dad. She says her life is less stressful without him in it and that he wasn’t “in it” for most of her life so she’s pretty sure she will be okay. Ironically, XH said something similar to me numerous times when him and his dad would go months without talking. I’m hoping her feelings change because I think she would eventually regret not resolving things between them. I wish he had the courage to face her on his own but it seems like he doesn’t as he invited her for dinner with him and OW. It is beyond me how he thinks she might actually accept his invitation when they haven’t spoken for so long. I’ve told him what he needs to do if he really wants a relationship with her but he has chosen not to follow my advice so I have stopped trying to influence either of them. Other than to reassure SD20 that I am still her “mom” and that I hope she can work things out with her dad, I say nothing and just listen if she needs me to.
I think you are wise to not show this to XW DnJ. I do think that it would be very difficult for her to read... not just to read about your journey but also that of your children and other people she has left behind. I think that is what was difficult for XH and OW... not reading about my feelings and thoughts...those would be easy to guess... but the thoughts of others with whom I continue to maintain a relationship...XH’s cousins, his mom, his daughter... He, and OW too for that matter, like to think his actions have only affected me but that could not be further from the truth. When you cheat on your wife, you cheat on your family. He betrayed and hurt a lot of people and he mistakenly thinks that if he is happy, everyone else will be happy as well. Life does not work that way. You can’t replace people like light bulbs. And...as all of us are finding out... when you have children, there is no such thing as divorce. You will always be in one another’s lives.
Andrew... thank you for your thoughts. I’m not too worried about telling this guy I am dating someone or not... truth is, for all I know, we may never have another conversation. My worry is more about what it says about my R with Jack that I am so curious about this guy. Jack makes me happy in a lot of different ways but there are also some big obstacles when it comes to making this work long term. And I wonder if I want to make the effort I would have to make to overcome those obstacles. It has brought to light some questions I have been avoiding answering within myself, I think. So I’m struggling with those...
