I'm so sorry KG. I wish I could say "call me, we'll chat".
There are so many platitudes that we could say that are true but won't make you feel better. The only one that helped me a tiny bit was from my coworkers, both of which have been through this: "The only way through - is through". There isn't a shortcut to this. Just knowing that helped to steel me to move forward.
For what it's worth, you did really well with the conversation. It wasn't "strictly" DB, but do not let that make you pause for one second. There is no perfect way to handle this, and you did really really well by sticking to your statement of not wanting to stand by why she has another R.
The quick attitude change is common in someone who is cheating. I don't know why, but it's something I've noticed. This is the part where you do want to remember who YOU are and what your values are. She may do things out of character. Notice the attempted gaslighting? She's trying to make you feel crazy. DO NOT let it work. Do not waiver when she is trying to make you feel guilty as if you were cheating during this, or for taking your ring off. If she can believe your behavior is the same as hers, then she can feel like what she's doing is fine and she can continue. But it's not fine, and you've just shown her with your actions that you won't stand by it.
The thing is, you're not spiraling. She is. She's not getting what she wants and she lashed out. You feel like the world is crumbling but in the end I promise promise PROMISE you it will be okay.
Don't feel like you have to file, just because she told you to. If you want to talk about that option I'm here to chat, but I think it's too soon to consider it rationally. Right now I think you should emotionally rest, and hold the door shut to her for a few days. Just practice moving through the awfulness, and try to find something that brings you comfort (I watched a lot of Netflix and movies that made me feel happy and safe).
