After the events talked about above, which had me pretty optimistic, the momentum got derailed when my H had to go out of town to attend a dying relative and did not tell me he was doing it. Without going into ugly details, that caused a bit of a psycho reaction on my part (which I did not know I had in me but was triggered by things that would have made anyone in my position crazy without information). Once I learned the truth, and he actually took the time to explain to me why I was wrong, I quickly apologized, took full accountability, and stated I would not bother him anymore. Well, he doesn't want me to not bother him. The day he came home he sent me a couple of "business" texts which I didn't answer, and then a personal one. Nothing earth shattering but one that indicated he thought of me and what my interests are. So, on the surface, no harm done, but the tenor of the communications since then have been much less warm with a few small exceptions. He has not missed one day contacting me, actually since the BD, and he is the first one to reach out every time. I do not. He still seems to be interested in what I am doing somewhat. He also confirmed to me that he meant to put me on the company health insurance for 2020, at least for now I guess, and he knows that if he divorces me, I can't be on it.
Here's the problem I have. He can in theory at least, go down and finalize this divorce he filed in 2 weeks. That is causing me gigantic stress and fear. About two weeks ago, I asked him straight out if he was going to it and he said he didn't want to talk about it. Wow. I gave him a chance to tell me he was going to and he didn't.
Simplistic advice about GAL, focus on yourself, etc. is great but doesn't address the root cause of my stress. Should I confront him and ask what he is doing? I really don't want to. He has not given me any indication that he is doing this; i.e. hasn't asked me to separate joint accounts, etc. I feel like if I did that, I would not get a definitive answer and would damage/maybe kill the interaction we still have which is finally beginning to warm up ever so slightly. I absolutely know this is not fair to me but I feel like if I want to have any chance of salvaging this situation, I need to continue just being with him when he reaches out and trying to rebuild emotional attraction. I have I think managed to get some going. The court won't dismiss the case until May so there is plenty of time.
