DS made a good point about being open to changes, especially for the betterment of you or S1.
I find your wording perfect for your intended purpose. It is strong and yet flexible. You have a keen mind; the list is where you draw the line and realizes your ability to say no.
For example, in the first point you are speaking of your not being obligated to consider. You still can consider, you’re just not obligated too. You control the only thing you really can - you.
Do not share this list with H. Do not tell him about it. You demonstrate it. You live it.
With that brings up the actual boundaries. What do you tell H, his family, and others? The “when you do x, I’ll do y”.
Some like number 5 are just that, telling them that you don’t need/have to explain why. A boundary may be require if they don’t accept that and keep pushing you.
That the key thing about boundaries vs drawing the line. Boundaries are for your healing. They are to stop the effects from attack or disrespect from behaviours or interactions from others that are detrimental to you, by utilizing what you can control - your actions.
You cannot control others, just yourself. Example: If H is swearing to you on the phone. Tell him - When you swear at me I feel disrespected and hurt. If you swear at me during a phone call, I’m going to hang up. After that, you hold that boundary rock solid. Probably with ever increasing delays in future answering of the phone. You just let him bounce off your boundaries, until he tires.
So far, it sounds like you have no need for boundaries at the moment. And you may not need to; your right to say no may be respected as put forth.
I agree with you on your current parallel parenting views. Perhaps in the future coparenting can be achieved. Perhaps not. The future is unknown, and lots can happen. You may end up with primary custody. Who knows? I never thought that XW would ever throw away her kids.
The future will reveal itself in time. And like your list, it is good to have some thought out general strategies for how you plan on handling life and the various curve balls yet to be pitched.
You do have a keen and sharp mind. And your heart’s influence also shines through. Keep it up, you’re doing great.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
