Oh, and one other important thing I should add...H and I were intimate for the first time since BD over the holidays. I told myself it meant nothing and tried to switch right back to detaching, but this is likely why I am so emotional today.
The first time after BD for me sent me on a roller coaster as well. I even told him that I wouldn't be able to do this because it's all too emotional for me and once we were intimate all my expectations flooded back. But somehow I was able to really detach more and more and ultimately it wasn't so much of an issue for me if we become intimate. Lately we've kept our distance though and I have found that it has been good to keep that distance physically. I can treat him more and more like a friend than my H.
